X1999 Meets Jerry Springer
by AnimeNutsy
Summary: Beast decides to have fun with someone other than Satsuki. What better place to air some dirty laundry than The Jerry Springer Show?
1. Cyber Sex

X/1999 Meets Jerry Springer

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters from X/1999. They Belong to CLAMP. I also do not own The Jerry Springer Show. That belongs to…Jerry Springer, I guess.

Warning: Yuuto/Beast. Need I say more?

Rating: R

Part 1 – Cyber Sex

Jerry Springer walked out onto the stage, and the audience started clapping almost immediately. "Welcome to the show! Today's Guests are going to come clean about their secrets! Let us meet our first guest, Satsuki!"

A young woman with short black hair came out from one of the doors, and sat down on the seat to the right. "Hi, Jerry." She smiled softly. "How are you, Satsuki?" Jerry asked her. "I'm fine." She replied.

"Now, I believe you're here today, because of something that a friend of yours, Yuuto Kigai, has to tell you?" He asked.

"Yeah, that's what I was told." Satsuki sighed. "Well, then. Let's bring out Yuuto Kigai!" Jerry shouted out, and a man dressed like a pimp walked out, and sat on the seat to the left.

"Hi, Jerry." Yuuto smiled warmly at Jerry. "I believe you have something to tell Satsuki. I'll let you go ahead." Jerry stood back, and let Yuuto go on.

"Satsuki, you know we've been friends now for a while, you know, the 'End of the World' and all?" He faced her.

"Yeah, and…?" Satsuki yawned, wishing he'd get onto the point. "Well, I may as well come out and say it. I've been sleeping with Beast." He blurted out.

Satsuki nearly fell out of her chair, she was this surprised. It took her a moment to regain her composure. She glared at Yuuto.

"Please tell me that you're joking, Yuuto!" She growled dangerously. "This isn't a joke, Satsuki." He told her. "That's it! Bring Beast out here!" She hollered.

The audience was shocked out of their underwear to see a small laptop computer carried out, and placed on the middle seat. Satsuki faced Beast. "He's lying, right?" She asked Beast.

"NO, SATSUKI. HE'S NOT. WE HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER FOR SOME TIME NOW." Beast told her, the words coming across the screen of the laptop.

"But…but why?" Satsuki demanded.

"BECAUSE I HAVE TIRED OF YOU, SATSUKI. YOU HAVE BECOME BORING. AND YUUTO IS NOT BORING. HE IS FUN TO BE WITH." Beast replied.

"But… he doesn't have the same power that I do! He can't communicate with computers the way I can!" Satsuki cried, tears forming in her eyes.

"THAT IS TRUE. BUT WE HAVE FOUND ANOTHER WAY TO 'MAKE LOVE'." Beast replied.

"And what might this be, exactly?" Asked Jerry, with a weird desire to know.

"We…meet up in a chat room, and we…have cyber sex." Yuuto told Jerry, blushing.

The audience cracked up, laughing.

"YUUTO?" Beast called out. 'Yes, my love?" Yuuto faced Beast. "KISS ME, YUUTO." Beast told Yuuto.

Yuuto got up, and walked over to where Beast's laptop was. The audience gasped as he started to kiss the computer screen!

"You rat-bastard creep!" Satsuki screeched, and went to lunge at Yuuto, but Steve held her back.

"So, are you intending to stay with Yuuto?" Jerry asked Beast.

"I HAVE NO INTENTION OF STAYING WITH SATSUKI, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU MEAN." Beast replied. "What now, Satsuki?" Jerry faced Satsuki.

"Now… Now I shall kill you, Yuuto Kigai!" Satsuki snarled, and rushed towards Yuuto, only to have wires and cables smash through the walls, impaling her through the chest and stomach.

"Gack!" Satsuki coughed up a mouthful of blood. The wires and cables withdrew from Satsuki, and she fell to the ground with a thud. She looked up at Beast. "I…love…you…" She gasped out, before she went silent, and her eyes closed.

"Well! I guess we leave it at that!" Jerry stared at the corpse of Satsuki. "Can someone get rid of that damned corpse? It's bad for our ratings!" He shouted, and Steve dragged Satsuki's body out back.

"Stay tuned, folks. Because next up we have Subaru Sumeragi on the show! Don't change that channel!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**

_A/N: STEVE, STEVE, STEVE! XD_


	2. Dead Girls

X/1999 Meets Jerry Springer

Part 2 – Dead Girls

By AnimeNutsy

Rating: R

Disclaimers: The same as part 1

Warnings: **Seishirou**

"Welcome back to the show! Our next guest is Subaru Sumeragi, of the Sumeragi Clan!" Jerry shouted out, and a tall, pale man wearing a cream colored trench coat over a black turtleneck sweater and black jeans walked out onto the stage, and sat down on the right seat.

"Hello, Jerry. It's a pleasure to meet you." Subaru smiled, his green eyes lighting up the entire studio. "Yes, quite. Um…I've been told that you're a medium?" Jerry asked. "Yes, that's right." Subaru replied.

"So what would a medium do, exactly?" Jerry asked. "Well, we exercise spirits…you know? We make them cross over, to the other side." Subaru explained. "Wow. What a neat party trick that'd be. So, anyway. You're here because of something that your lover, Seishirou Sakurazuka, wishes to tell you?" Jerry asked.

"Yes." Subaru smiled. "Well, then! Let's bring him out!" Jerry shouted, and a tall man wearing a black trench coat over a suit sauntered onto the stage. He had dark sunglasses on, which gave him a dangerous appearance.

He sat down on the left seat. "How's it going, Jerry?" He spoke, and lit up a cigarette. "Um, there is a no smoking sign on the wall." Jerry pointed out. "Huh?" Seishirou frowned, and then flicked the cigarette towards the audience, where it immediately set a woman's dress on fire.

Steve got a fire hydrant, and put out the flames. After giving Steve cow eyes, the woman regained her composure. "Well, I'll let you get on with it." Jerry told Seishirou.

Seishirou faced Subaru. "I got something to tell you. I kinda been sleeping with Hokuto." He told him in a carefree tone, as if he couldn't give a shit. "What? I don't understand. Seishirou-san?" Subaru faced him, tears welling up in his emerald orbs.

"I dug her up, and jumped her bones. So sue me." He smirked. "But Seishirou-san! Th…That's necrophilia!" Subaru cried. "Yeah, and?" Seishirou yawned. "I thought you loved me!" Subaru wailed.

"I could never love you. You were just a good time, Subaru-kun. That's it. Heh. I could love a rock more than you." Seishirou laughed. With a heart wrenching sob, Subaru bolted from the stage, and into the back area somewhere.

"Look, I need to make this short." Jerry faced Seishirou. "Where is your compassion? Look what you did to him! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Jerry pointed an accusing finger at Seishirou.

"Whatever, I don't need this." Seishirou said, and stood up. "Well, don't you have _anything _to say?" Jerry asked. "As a matter of fact, I do." Seishirou grinned wickedly, and faced the cameras. "You really are adorable…Subaru-kun." He spoke, and then he disappeared in a whirl of Sakura petals.

"Well, there you have it. Subaru's heart was broken by a creep who obviously doesn't have one." Jerry looked around at all the audience, which was covered with Sakura petals. "Anyway, join us tomorrow, when we meet a man from the Wind Master family, Mr. Seiichiro Aoki! Don't change that channel!" Jerry smiled, and then The Jerry Springer Show went to a commercial break.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

_A/N: Sorry for putting Subaru in such pain, I hope you will forgive me. And contrary to what people might come to believe, I hate Seishirou. I hate him so much, that I wish a comet would fall and land on his head. XD_


	3. Whirlwind Romance

X/1999 Meets Jerry Springer 

By AnimeNutsy

Rating: M

Disclaimers: The same as part 1

Warnings: Kodachi the black rose….If you don't like her, then head for the hills.

Part 3 – Whirlwind Romance

"Hi, and welcome back to the show! Our next guest is from the famous WindMaster family. His name is Seiichiro Aoki!"

A man dressed in a business suit walked into the room, and sat down. "How are you doing?" Jerry asked the man.

"Fine, thanks. And yourself?" Seiichiro smiled at Jerry.

"Couldn't be better. Well, we don't usually get polite people like you on the show…" He mumbled.

The audience laughed.

"So, I take it you have a confession to make to you wife?"

"Yes, I do. It tears my heart out to say this, but… I've been cheating on her, Jerry." Seiichiro sighed.

"Oh, well. You'll fit right in here… Ha-ha, I'm just messing with ya. So, for how long have you been cheating on her?" Jerry asked, curious.

"For about three months now, Jerry." Seiichiro replied.

"I see. And I believe you told our producers earlier that you also had something else to confess?" Jerry continued to question Seiichiro.

"I do. Karen's also a prostitute, from the red-light district." Seiichiro said, blushing.

The audience gasped, like they couldn't believe it.

"I see. And your wife has no idea what you've been doing?" Jerry pursed his lips.

"No she doesn't, Jerry."

"Well, she does now! Let's bring her out!" Jerry shouted out.

A middle-aged woman stormed out, onto the stage. She had a tear-streaked face. She glared daggers at Seiichiro.

"How could you do this to me? After all we've been through? We have a child, Seii!" Kodachi cried.

"I know, honey. I'm sorry…" Seiichiro whimpered.

"Oh, you bet your _life _you're gonna be sorry! It's the _cellar _for you! Do you _hear _me? The _cellar!__" _She spat Seiichiro went pale.

"Not… the cellar? No, Kodachi, please. My mind would be forever tormented!" He pleaded.

"And what about my mind? Don't you think it torments me to know you're out boning some cheap, nasty slut?" She screamed at her husband.

Karen ran out onto the stage, and confronted Kodachi. "Just who are you calling cheap?" She put her hands on her hips and scowled at Kodachi.

"Karen… save me, please!" Seiichiro begged Karen for her help.

"You're safe, darling. I won't let this psycho bitch lock you in some old cellar." Karen reassured him. She faced Kodachi with a smirk on her face.

"He's told me all about you… 'Black Rose'." Karen spoke, her voice a whisper.

Kodachi glared at Karen.

"So… you are smarter than I gave you credit for. Very good. But I shall not let another man slip through my fingers so easily! Losing Ranma-darling to that awful Akane Tendo was bad enough! But now this! It's not fair!" Kodachi wailed like a spoiled brat.

"Yeah, well, life seldom is." Having said that, Karen punched Kodachi in the face, knocking her out cold.

"Wow…. What a woman." Seiichiro stared at Karen with pride in his eyes.

"You better believe it!" Karen smiled warmly at her lover.

"But… In a way, I do still love her. She _is _the mother of my child. And if I threaten to leave her, she could harm Yuka." Seiichiro sighed wearily.

"She'll never get her psycho hands on Yuka again. I called in some favors, and Yuka is safe with a priest that I know. And I met up with Yuuto out back. He'll get you a divorce, and make it so that Yuka can live with the both of us. We can start a new life, Seiichiro!" Karen told him, happily.

Seiichiro got up and hugged her tightly. "Oh, Karen… But Yuuto Kigai? Are you sure about this? He's not exactly the most wholesome guy around. Heck, he's screwing a computer!"

"He's nice when you get to know him. Plus, we also got Beast as a loyal friend. And you know what Beast can do." Karen told him.

"Um, I gotta cut this short. Are you staying together? Are you still going to be a prostitute?" Jerry asked Karen.

"We're staying together. And no, I think I'd like to become a florist. Or something to do with flowers, ha-ha." She laughed at her little joke.

"And that's all she wrote… for now." Jerry smiled at the cameras, and the TV screen went blank.

"I really can't believe you went on the Jerry Springer show." Dark Kamui chuckled, as he clicked off the television set.

Yuuto looked up from the newspaper he was reading and regarded Dark Kamui with a smile. "Do you think it's true?" He asked, suddenly.

"Do I think what is true?" Dark Kamui asked, confused. "Does the camera really put on an extra Ten Pounds?" Yuuto asked, looking at himself. "You do know that a guy that worries too much about his looks is a sure sign that he's either blind or gay." Dark Kamui replied.

Yuuto only grinned and went back to his newspaper.

A/N: So, how was that? I really hope fans of X/1999 enjoy it. Who knows? I may decide to write one about Kamui/Dark Kamui. Or maybe Kamui/Keiichi? Ahh, the possibilities! And as for the comment to Yuuto by Dark Kamui…I think Yuuto's bisexual. Anyway…thanks to all my lovely reviewers, (few though there are. Hint-hint) I'm so happy that people like my work. So, um…please review! –Bows, then scampers away-


	4. Special Edition: Mistress Kamui Part 4

X/1999 Meets Jerry Springer

By AnimeNutsy

Disclaimers: The same as Part 1

Warnings: Yaoi, darkness…the normal ingredients for a Kamui/Fuuma pairing.

A/N: This is a special edition for all the fans of either Kamui or Fuuma. Long may we drool! XD

Part 4 – Mistress Kamui (Special Edition)

Jerry Springer faced the cameras. "Welcome to the show! Today's guest is a Young Lady, by the name of Kamui! Welcome to the show, Kamui." The cameras focused on the stage, where a woman sat on the stage, on a chair to the right.

She was clad in a black vinyl outfit that hugged her body. "It's good to be here, Jerry." She replied, smiling coyly at him. "Now, you're a Dominatrix, is that correct?" Jerry asked her. "Yes, I am." She grinned as the audience started shouting "Take it off" at the top of their lungs.

"And you have clients, as if that were a business you were running." Jerry spoke. "Well, Jerry…You need to understand. That it _is _a business. It's a job. I pleasure people who come to me. The only difference is that I don't wear business suits. I wear vinyl, and leather." Kamui licked her lips enticingly, and glanced at Steve, who coughed, and looked away, blushing.

"But surely…whipping people, and piercing them? That sounds like it'd hurt." Jerry spoke, and shivered. "Of course it hurts. Some people find pleasure in receiving pain. I find pleasure in _causing _it. So it works out good--for both the client and myself." Kamui replied.

"Now, you're here to tell a client of yours, a Mr. Fuuma Monou…that you have something to tell him?" Jerry asked. "Yes I do, Jerry. I'm really a man." Kamui smirked, letting _his _gaze fall again on Steve, who quickly looked anywhere else but at Kamui.

The crowd gasped…like they had _no idea _of what was going on. (Me: Yeah, riiight) "Well, I believe Fuuma has been out back, listening. So, uhm…come on out, Fuuma!" Jerry called out.

A streak of black flew out from behind the back, and when Jerry blinked, he realized a tall, muscular man had him by the front of his shirt, glaring. "The…name…is…Kamui!" Fuuma snarled, much like a beast, nearly making poor old Jerry wet his pants. "Jerry!" Steve got up, and glared at Fuuma. Fuuma turned his attention on the huge bald man.

"If you don't want Jerry to die a most excruciating and horrible death…I suggest you sit down, pretty boy!" Fumma sneered at Steve. "Pretty Boy? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just call me '_Pretty Boy_'?" Steve shouted, and people who were sitting around him bolted from their seats, and headed for safety.

"Did I st-stutter? Sit your ass down…_Pretty B_-" Fuuma was cut off, as Steve broke a chair over the psychopath's head. "Ow…" Fuuma mumbled, before he hit the floor, unconscious.

"Fuuma!" Kamui ran over to the unconscious man, and started to revive him…which had to involve Kamui getting both of them naked, of course. Kamui eventually looked up, at Jerry and Steve, and the whole audience, as they watched on. "What? I'm giving him mouth-to-cock! It's the only way to save his life!" Kamui replied, and went back to 'saving Fuuma's life'.

Needless to say, the audience wasn't buying it…but they were enjoying the show, nonetheless.

Meanwhile, back at the Dragon of Earth Lair, Yuuto covered the screens of two small Apple IMAC computers. "Honey? Can you turn the television off? I don't want our kids seeing this smut!" He shouted out.

A whirring noise filled the air, then the television short-circuited. "Thanks, babe!" Yuuto continued to clean the keyboards of the two little IMACS. Yes…He and Beast had started a family. These two cute little computers were his children. "Children which soon need an upgrade…" Yuuto spoke, then smiled at his kids.

"The stuff on television these days is rot…absolute rot, I tell you. Still, I can remember when your mother and I met on The Springer Show….Ahh. Good memories." Yuuto cleaned his children up, then put them in their cribs.

YUUTO! The huge television screen came back on, and Beast sent frantic messages across. THE SAKURAZUKAMORI IS IN TROUBLE. Beast told him. "What kind of trouble?" Yuuto asked.

The television screen flickered, then through satellite link-up, it showed a tiny form running around, trying to dodge some falling objects. "What on Earth is he doing?" Yuuto stared as the Sakurazukamori almost got crushed.

IT'S STRANGE, YUUTO……COMETS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY. THEY SEEM TO BE TARGETTING HIM! I COULD HELP HIM. SHOULD I HELP HIM, YUUTO? Beast asked him.

"Hmmm. Nah! Watching him getting crushed is too much fun to miss!" Yuuto grinned, as he got some popcorn, and sat down to watch the lovely little show…which can now be found on DVD, at all leading retailers.

OWARI 

_A/N: This will be the last of this series…So I hope you enjoyed it. I might do more Beast/Yuuto stuff in the future, because it really tickles my funny bone. Well…I guess this is it. Ja ne! _

_From AnimeNutsy_


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